Family end with blood
by uddelhexe
Summary: Coda S14ep19-Jack in the box. They had tricked Jack into that box by telling him lies. Telling him he was family. Abusing his trust to crawl into that coffin. To stuff him away for eternity. They didn't tell Cas. They didn't search for ways to help Jack anymore.


I don't think I can forgive the actual Dean for what he did to the righteous man. To the man who fought for family. Who ended the apocalypse for the right to have free will. Against heaven and it's control.

Dean, oh Dean…what have you become? I think he destroyed his own humanity to a point where to be soulless would be no big difference.

I am not angry at Dean because I hate him, but because I liked him so much.

This isn't him anymore. This is a monster which can switch off his own feelings and has no problem abusing and using his beloved one's for the "greater cause".

He lost himself.

And in this fic I try to explore what he did to himself…to the one's he loves.

And I safe Cas and Jack from him.

Because I would not want a chara I love to be in that environment anymore. I would tell him to run and never come back.

* * *

„Jack," Sam breathed.

The smoke slowly settled and there was Jack. Standing tall and bright, eyes glowing in a dangerous intense amber. Not moving, but breathing hard.

Dean froze. He was sure this was it. This was going to be the end. He hadn't been able to save the world from Jack. He failed Marry…

"Jack, " the rough and soothing Voice of Castiel rose in front of him. The angel straightened his posture and looked the Nephilim in the eyes. He even made a step closer to him. Dean wanted to tell Castiel to step the hell back, but before he could tell him anything like that, Cas stepped forward another inch.

"I didn't knew they were about to do that, Jack. I hope you believe me. I was in heaven to look for you…take you home…find a solution…"

"What home?"

Castiel sighed. He looked back to the Winchesters, his eyes unbelievably sad.

"Until recently…I thought this would be our home…our family. I too long told myself didn't want to see what was happening to you…but the truth is: I didn't want to see, that we lost our family long ago."

"Cas," Sam tried, his voice barely a whisper. The younger Winchester had tears in his eyes and Castiel could see his hands were shaking. Dean's face was a mask. The mask he had decided to put on weeks ago. A mask hiding the human Castiel had fallen in love with.

The human that had have him abandon his born family, his cause, to follow the path of mercy and free will. The human that had taught him about love and family and how family doesn't end with blood.

Except it did.

It always did. And Castiel didn't know how he hadn't seen it for so long.

At the end family was amongst humans only.

At the end it was Winchesters only.

And as it seemed…he wasn't one of them.

Never had been.

As soon as something went sideways, Dean closed up and transformed into that copy of his father. A leader without the ability to give away control. Without trust in others and their abilities to get things done "the right way".

Who put guild on people. On himself, or if that didn't help, on others nearby.

Someone had to be guilty. There always had to be something to punch. And if Dean didn't punch himself, he had to do it to someone else. Just to be able to cope. To act.

Castiel had been ok with that as long as Dean had decided to act out on him only. But he did it on Jack. Jack who needed guidance to see and decide what was a moral action and what wasn't.

And now it was probably too late for that.

But he had to try anyway.

"Why should I believe you? Any of you?"

Jack's voice was cold. It didn't waver. If he was angry, it didn't show in his voice. But Castiel guessed the fact, that the Nephilim hadn't vaporized all of them instantly, was a good sign. Perhaps there still was hope after all.

"I can't give you a reason. I wish I could. I can only tell you that I love you, and that I still believe in you. That I can try to guide you, like you mother wished me to. And I can tell you, that I'm sorry I wasn't able to be here for you to protect you from this. That I didn't see how much you were struggling in the past weeks."

"Sam told me to believe him too. That he forgave me. But that was a lie, wasn't it?"

Sam couldn't look Jack in the eyes any more. And he felt as hollow as he hadn't felt since the days without a soul. Even worse, because it hurt so much.

It had hurt to see his brother close up on him like he did. It had hurt that Dean was able to act the way he had. It had hurt, that Dean had made him feel, as if there was no other way to save the world, than going against everything he ever had believed in.

And it had ripped his heart out when Dean had closed that damn coffin like a fucking shoe box and told him to just get over it and forget about Jack.

Sam knew that Dean was hurting too, but didn't trust anybody enough to let them into his life that close. Still, after all these years…Dean still didn't trust him enough to show weakness. Or what their Dad had taught him to be weakness.

Sam felt numb and he wished he could say something…anything. But there weren't words. And if there were, they would've gotten stuck inside his throat anyway.

He wished he could tell Jack, how much he had hoped that there was a way to forgive him. To save him.

But what was the point now?

When it had be the time to stand up, to fight for his family, he didn't do it. He had approved to lock Jack away. Use Jack's trust in him.

Castiel turned to face Dean, who still hadn't twitched.

"You know, Dean, when we met…there had been a boy, who's destiny was to become the vessel for the devil and to fight his brother in the apocalypse…and with that, destroy half of the planet. It was at that time I met a man, a righteous one, who wouldn't have that. Who, when I insisted it was best to kill the demon-blood boy, told me to go and screw myself and that there was another way. That it wasn't right to make such choices. I don't know where that man went to, but when you find him: tell him I miss him."

With that Castiel turned back and approached Jack.

The Nephilim took several steps back, pinching together his brows in mistrust. Castiel raised his hands to show Jack, that he meant no harm to him.

"It is your choice, Jack. You don't have to trust me. I understand if you don't. But if you like to, we could go away. Far away. Away from this. And try to figure out what to do. I tried to get a call through to God, to ask him to restore your soul, but he didn't answer. So it is on you. And, if you let me, also on me, to find a way to exist with a good purpose. Like your mother wanted you to. But I won't force you."

Jack didn't move further away from Castiel. Instead he stepped closer.

"You know that what happened to Mary was an accident?"

Castiel again sighed.

"I know how immense difficult it is to control powers such as yours. They don't. I know that your soul was the one thing that was able to do that. And I still hope, that we can figure out a way for you to live a good life without hurting people. To loose Mary did hurt me too, Jack. But I do not blame you for snapping and I think she wouldn't either. I rather blame myself for not being with you to prevent it from happening."

"I don't know what to do. Everyone tries to manipulate me for his own purpose. Dean, Sam, Duma…my…my father…"

"I know how that feels. How it feels to be used as a tool. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Jack lifted his chin, now standing toe to toe with his angelic father. The only person who always had been honest and sincere with him. Though he felt different without a soul to tell him about the tastes of wrong and right, he could sense the sour pounding of betrayal still inside him. When he'd realized that he'd been abandoned by the people he loved and trusted the most. People who he'd trusted to tell him what was the right thing to do.

"To work for heaven…was it…wrong too?"

Castiel raised his arms and laid down his hands on his son's shoulders. He gripped him tight.

"I know it is not easy to hear that, but the way Duma made you act, that wasn't the right thing to ask from you. When heaven was like this decades ago, it hadn't been right then either. I think, that God wanted us to show mercy in the first place. To watch over the souls in heaven. To keep them save. I don't think it is the right choice to decide for the humans. I think they have to figure out on their own. Decide out of their own accord how they want to live their life. And at the end…they will be judged for that by themselves."

"I want to believe you, father."

"I know."

Castiel tenderly began to wrap his arms around the young man's shoulders and then he whispered:

"Whatever you decide to do. I will be with you. Trying to help you. I won't give up on you."

Jack didn't close his eyes. He watched the Winchesters still frozen on their places, hardly breathing. He watched tears rolling down Sam's face and Dean's stone-hard expression. The older hunters eyes were watching him with an mixture of emotion Jack wasn't able to read.

He thought about killing them for a second. His life would be so much easier without the brothers trying to imprison or kill him. It would be just a snap. But he felt the grounding warmth of his father's embrace around him. He could tell that Castiel was hurting, though he couldn't really feel it. But he knew that he would like to see his father happy and proud. He decided that that was something he could look forward too. That that could be a good purpose to live for.

A second later the two angels were gone.

* * *

No goodbye. No further words.

Sam couldn't stop shaking. He felt darkness clawing for his heart. Dread filling up his head. He just realized what had just happened.

He had lost his mother.

He had lost his best friend.

He had lost his surrogate son.

He'd lost himself…

And he wasn't sure who the person was, that was currently standing beside him, still not moving.

But when he turned around to watch his brother, he realized how Dean's fists began to unravel.

Dean's lips began moving…whispering: "It was…the only…choice…"

"Dean…"

Eyes widening franticly, Dean moved his head to directly look at his brother. A tear, Sam hadn't been able to see before, was on the verge of his brothers eyes.

"I did the right thing…didn't I?"

Sam didn't know what to tell him. He wanted to think it had been their only choice. Maybe it had been….but it sure as hell did not feel like it. It just didn't. Everything human inside of him told him, that it was wrong.

Dean's face expression began to change. From fear to despair to anger. His voice was shivering with unsteadiness:

"Someone had to do it! Someone had to! Nobody was able to do it, but me. I had to be strong!"

Sam saw his brother's knees buckle and in the next moment he was kneeing on the floor.

"I had to…."

Dean palmed his face with his hands and for the first time in weeks allowed Sam to see him as the human he was.

"Someone had to be strong," he repeated desperately for confirmation.

Sam could tell his brother that he was right. That he had been strong. That how he had handled everything was fine. But it wouldn't be honest. It wouldn't be what he felt.

"We haven't been strong, Dean. Cas has been."

"No…"

The soundless sobbing coming from Dean gave Sam at least the security to know that the man, Cas had mentioned earlier, still was alive somewhere in that hard shell, Dean had begun to build. And that perhaps one day this man could come out and breathe again.

He hoped for this man to return as well.

His brother, who he loved so much.

He watched the spot where Cas and Jack had vanished and send a silent prayer to Cas. He wished him the best. He told him, that he was proud of him.

* * *

**_The bunker. Two years later…_**

"Sam, bring some pie with the beer, you hear me? I'm starving. What? Yeah…I cleaned the kitchen…Bye Bitch."

Dean ended the call and wandered down to the War table to grab his duffel and bring his laundry down to the washing machine. One week of hunting Vampires and he was sure there was not one piece of clothing not stinking like something had died in it weeks ago.

"Hello Dean."

The duffel hit the floor with a loud thud.

Dean's first reflex was to grab for his gun. But the gravelly voice reaching him stopped his motion instantly. He had to say something.

"Cas…."

He made an unconscious step towards the angel, but Castiel stepped back. Dean gulped down the bitter taste rising inside of him.

"What…?"

"Just wanted to check how you and Sam are doing."

"Y'know…saving people, hunting things. Business as usual." He tried to sound casually. Get a grip on himself.

The urge to approach Castiel and just hug him was strong. But he resisted for the angel clearly didn't want close contact.

"I also wanted to tell you, that there is no need for you or other hunters to look for Jack. He's not a thread anymore. I'd appreciate if you could spread that in the community."

"We're not…"

"Don't do that Dean. I know that some hunters were trying to hunt down Jack. I don't know why you didn't, but I am not here to ask you that. It is not of interest."

"You don't want to know why?"

"Am I curious? Maybe. But I don't want to talk to you too long. I don't want to leave Jack alone for too long. You taught me what a bad idea that is."

That hurt. After all these years it still stung like a bitch.

"Jack didn't want to say hello then."

Castile looked at him as if he had grown a second head all of a sudden.

"Why would he want that? And even if he would like to…I would never let him coming near you again."

"Cas…."

"No, Dean. Don't "Cas" me. I gave everything for you. Multiple times. I trusted you. Thought we were family. But you made a decision. You crossed a line. I can never trust you again. You made me leave my family once. And you took away my second family from me after that. I can't go through that again. I took as much I could. There is no more I can give you."

"Ok….ok…I get that. I...when I tell the other hunters why Jack isn't a thread…what am I supposed to tell them about the why?"

Castiel watched his former friend a long time. His blue eyes as intense as Dean remembered them to be. He had missed them. He still missed them. Missed his friend. The only real friend he ever had.

Castiel sighed.

"I can tell you that we found a way to give Jack a purpose. We live in heaven now. After Duma…after…I am in charge at the moment. We do not interfere with humans anymore. The gates are closed…so you don't have to try to get in there. Only souls are allowed to cross the border. Like it was supposed to be. The only contact we have with your species is when we recruit volunteers to build up our ranks again. And before you yell or anything: what I learned is: being open and honest for once and give people a choice really is something helpful, Dean. We look for people on the verge of death. Severely ill people. People, who have faith. We explain that the angels cannot breed, but that we are needed to maintain heaven. And we just ask if they would like to become an angel and what consequences that would have. If they still agree, we take them with us and Jack forges their souls into angelic grace. And I can tell you, that it is something different with the new angels. They are more kind, because echoes of their souls are still inside of them. They are good. They are humble and merciful. Not warriors…but guardians. Heaven was never closer to be as it was designed. And Jack made that possible."

Dean remained silent. He felt ashamed. He'd never thought about such a possibility. How could he not have thought of that?

"So you're happy now," he asked Castiel.

Silence.

"Not as much as I thought I would be, but thinking of my Deal with the Empty, this might be a good thing after all."

What deal?

"Deal?"

"Right. I didn't tell you years ago. When Jack was dead The Empty wanted to take him. I offered me in his stead and the entity told me to take me at a moment of true happiness."

"You what?" Dean felt a shudder running down his spine. Why hadn't Cas told him that?

"Maybe it is for the best, that you did, what you did. As long as I remember that, I will never be able to really feel happiness. I think I might have to thank you for giving me that sadness then."

A bitter smile appeared on the angels face. Dean didn't know what to say to that. When someone is telling you "Thank you for disappointing me that much, that I might probably life forever."

"Will...will we see each other again?"

The angel before him tilted his head. This gesture he always did, when he was unsure of something.

"When you come to heaven I might visit. But I cannot promise that. But you won't miss me there. So…"

"Yeah, so…"

"Goodbye, Dean. Have a good life. Tell Sam Hello from me."

And without awaiting a replay to that, Dean heard a flutter of wings in the air and Cas was gone.

The bunker felt cold.

As cold as it had felt at that day when Jack had broken the coffin.

A cold world with only him and Sam to carry on and fight the evil.

Day by day.

Week for week.

Year for year.

Their family lost.

Until the day they would be able to rest their weary heads.


End file.
